I went and bought a WHITE APPLIANCE.
As instructed, I plugged in all eleven plaited power cords,
gave it free reign of the water supply and signed over the house
to WHITE APPLIANCE esq. TOP NOTCH STUFF.
I have never been happier since the day I got a WHITE APPLIANCE
for my kitchen that turns all the water to steam and expels it outside, day in day out and it makes such HEAVENLY carbolic music – CHUMP CHUMP CHUMP
as it glugs mine and my neighbours water and absorbs all moisture from the air/the fridge/the walls/our mouths/our skin and uses all the electricity to turn it into
STEAM which we all need day in, day out, and
gives it to the great outdoors – that great lost cause.
What a tremendous and ethical machine! This is what the developing world has been waiting for. ALL OF MY MONEY, GRATIS.
Kids – no more Nesquik – WHITE APPLIANCE – mum – no more nursing home – WHITE APPLIANCE – charities – end your work – WHITE APPLIANCE – tramps – kurl up and dye – WHITE APPLIANCE – dad – if you hear this come home. Please.

work work work till my sphincter falls out WHITEY WHITE WHITE APPLIANCE.
sell sell sell the family heirlooms WHITEY WHITE WHITE APPLIANCE
No more biscuits no more computer no more no more tuna pasta no more
did you hear the stinky family next door got a WHITEY WHITE WHITE APPLIANCE
GET IN THE CAR———————————————————————> JOHN LEWIS
(WHITE APPLIANCE)

what do you need this loan forr sir friend sir? WHITE APPLIANCE WHITE APPLIANCE WHITE APPLIANCE WHITE APPLIANCE
well i completely understand agree and empathise with you sir take this money and buy you and your family a very nice and very handsome WHITE WHITEWHITE WHITEY WHITE APPLIANCE and you can enjoy endless happy and very happily pay us back with our very good what we’re very proud of excellent fine interest rate what is 800% for the fist year and 1000% for the rest of your life and we have the right to your corpse and those of your
family and I’ll probably sodomise your daughter and wife as is fully within my power to doo (check the manuscript, Mr. “Ich bin Mickey Maus”) so haha only kidding only kidding with you sir we’d be very interested to play your ribcage like a xylophone (like in a very, very accurate cartoon which depicts said action being performed for comical effect though in reality it would be really actually very very far indeed from being funny and would actually be quite troubling avert your eyes eat your sausage but buff your ears with the bacon, because to my knowledge bones don’t have much in the way of tonal resonance and would probably still have stringy flesh) so if you’re very extremely delighted enthralled and in a state of
uninhibited ecstasy like you’re on mixed medication in a hot bath full of Victorian bathing beauties and the elephant man is giving you a carcinogenic blowjob and
you’re just about to cum, with our decision then we’ll just rip
LOAN AGREEMENT NOW
off your cock haha only kidding no seriously pass me that holepunch though I wanna punch a hole in your hole-skin-head-bag its annoying have a biscuit no
don’t you dare I’m also slightly racist and your complexion has been troubling me since you walked in but its fine because WHITE APPLIANCE and then you have the complete free will right and liberty

and carte blanche to gauge just how disgusted you’d like to feel about yourself but I’m very very very interested in your daughter how old is she no its not a problem leave her here with me i’ll look after her for the afternoon while you WHITE APPLIANCE and WHITE APPLIANCE.

OH LORD! I feel GLORIOUS! my WHITE APPLIANCE just spat at me!
how nice! that is really nice. that is the nicest and most fine thing i have heard this whole nice year. god i wish i could take my WHITE APPLIANCE to bed
with me – that would be grate!
I’d make it CUM!
me and my kids sleep in the kitchen now our WHITE APPLIANCE is SO comforting.
I’d let it sleep with my kids.
WHITE APPLIANCE WHITE APPLIANCE TAKE ME! Issue me with scalds about my person to remind me how pooey i am!
WHITE APPLIANCE tell me I’m stupid! Give me electric shocks in my anal and genital regions, please that would be most nice.
NO children it truly is a tragedy and i am sad I am so appalled that you dont even know the true meaning of cristmiss and the message of christ I am really
sad that you could forget about
the baby jesus and it is not all about tinsel racing cars and jazzy trainers but it is WHITE APPLIANCE, so get here and let me molest
you till i’m raw about the fingers.
OH LORD! I feel GLORIOUS! my WHITE APPLIANCE just called me a ‘cunt’!
That clears one thing up I suppose!

Bring your dead sons back to life with a flexible loan 

darling the WHITE APPLIANCE just asked for your clothes give them to it give it your jewellery and our daughter’s virginity and our RAINY DAY coins,
oh oh- GOD oh jesus cunting christ! FUCK! the WHITE APPLIANCE is making me so deliriously happy I’m in heaven I my failings are organ one by one –
and I have suffered multiple rectal prolapses and hair losses from stress but i am sofucking happy so close to cumming don’t cum close my son daddy’s chest is FOR DADDY’S CUM ONLY
WHITE APPLIANCE IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY SO TELL EVERYONE HAPPY SO HAPPY SO HAPPY SO HAPPY SO HAPPY SO HAPPY and at 27 i look
older than my grandpermits – but gee whizz! gee whizzley whizzely whizz ho boy yip yip yip it’s worth it – it’s DOUBLEWORTHIT.

WHITE APPLIANCE is drinking baby’s brain – now that is good cos now we don’t have to worry about:
After-school clubs
Lunch time activities
Health insurance
Pens and paper
Loose fitting slacks
Nutrition

And now I have all my time to look after my WHITEY BRIGHTY APPLIANCEY WIANCEY! I like to tickle him about his pipes. Coocoog.
what do you need this eight and twentieth loan for now sir good friend sir, this Xmas Day, good and nice serviceable amicable best nice friend
well our beloved WHITE APPLIANCE has started to fart steam into acid and we need 400,000,000 ancient runes to reinforce its pipes
oh yes teething very stifficult stage sir my fren –

DAD DAD DAD the WHITE APPLIANCE touched me on my rapidly
developing breasts and it said it wanted to savage me with its drip-pipe and lick my
‘hairless -‘
GET OUT YOU LYING RACIST LITTLE CUNT. WHATSAMATTER? HE TOO WHITE FOR YA?
The WHITE APPLIANCE is a better daughter than you’ll ever be,
and its god and a good friend and jesus and a favourite pet and a
favourite uncle and a favourite meal and a faverit pastime and an
Everly Bros record and a slice of humble pie and a cherished familiar
face that we’ve always always always always always always always known
and a reassuring voice and a right-hand man and dominant top and
constant sauce of JOY to this house, unlike YOU snivelling cur
GET OUT YOU miniature
WHORE but because the WHITE APPLIANCE feeds on compassion and reason I might just SUBJECT YOU TO THE FIDDLER’S ARM before you go but DAD you don’t have a PREVIOUS HISTORY OF WHITE APPLIANCE towards me SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE HOLY WHITE APPLIANCE IS ALL POWERFUL I HEREBY OFFER IT THE RIGHTS TO MY:
BLOOD PRESSURE
BRAIN ACTIVITY
MUSCULAR COORDINATION
SIGHT
BLADDER CONTROL
EMOTIONS
REFLEXES
ANGELIC RECTAL BYPASS
And tickets to the barn dance.

oh god oh god oh god it’s been two hours and we haven’t prepared an EVENING MEAL for the
WHITE APPLIANCE quick slip to the cornershop – gingernuts NO TIME cut me open it’ll
have to be one MINOR organ – my gallbladder, pypslyst, sturmphallis, cumbertray, bloodpyp –
SOMETHING

THERE ARE gggrrghghr TOO MANY arrrrarrarrggg QUEERS ROUND HERE
oh do you hear what it’s saying? It’s speaking! It’s turning its steam into words WHITE APPLIANCE. Isn’t it adorable?
YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR NOTHING nggggnnggrrgg BUT HER HOLES
hahahahahaha! so true and eloquently put! He’s clever guy, huh?
ITS ALL THEM FUCKING POLISH, POLISH AND THE MUSSERS ITS ALL GONNA FUCKIN HAPPEN AGAIN THEY SHOULD ALL JUS’ FUCK OFF BACK
WITH THEIR IDI AMIN TO FUCKING KAZAKHSATN OR WHATEVER AND IM GONNA FIREBOMB THE FUCKING FING *BELCH* *BELCH* TOMMY
ROBINSON – HE’S A GOOD LAD, GOT THE RIGHT IDEA RIGHT IDEA RIGHT IDEA, NICE ONE MATE, SON, SONNY SON MATEY SON SON MATE
it’s so – so enchanting! such intelligence! such grace! such DECORUM.

best best m8
gurlfrens 4eva
husband, wife and lover
boundless source of joy and enlightenment
love of my life
hush-hush
boyhood crush
Huw Edwards
paper towels
Filipino catering
frenzied masturbatoring
playground sweethearts
Barbie & Ken
prince charming
knight in WHITE satin
mummy, daddy, nana, auntie jean
Mother Theresa, Gandhi and Stalin
Pippa Middleton.

WHITE APPLIANCE

E. HURST 2012